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| This picture was before her surgery. |
Namaste wonderful souls and dear readers,
My mother had type 2 diabetes. she was careful on her diets and took her medication regularly. unfortunately, she got sick on early September 2024. She got a bumps on the heel of her foot. she visited doctors, took blood test, and ultrasound on our local clinics. They said " Everything is okay". She got some lumps in her head, one side her leg and hip. It was emergency. My father and siblings send her to some big public hospitals and private clinic. The doctors took blood tests and ultrasound. the private clinic send my mother to one of big Cambodia public hospitals. then She got head surgery " remove lump on her head without doing biopsy". The doctor send my mother home, so she had to waiting results. The doctor prescribed her some medication. It took three weeks to get results.
I did not realised " my mother illness was serious and critical situation" as I live oversea. I only see her through video callings. I only hope that I could brought her to other hospital. she will be okay.
When I arrived to my hometown, she was in critical condition. I brought her to the same hospital as they already had her file. She spend one day in emergency unite and three day in ICU emergency. Doctors could not help her. She passed on 22/10/24. It was the most difficult moment. I had spent the last few days with my beloved mother. She was my everything and most care person in my life. She loved me unconditionally. I always remember her in my heart. I could not change the outcomes. I learned to accepted the facts and have been dealing with grief, anger, and guilty.
When I arrived in Australia, and I could not feel the same. I managed to go work, but I only told some co-workers about my mother's death because I did not want cried at my workplace. I lost my trust with some Cambodia health hospitals and doctors since my mother's death. I thought that if I brought my mother to Thailand or Vietnam hospital sooner, my mother might be stay with us little longer.I felt very lost and blame myself.
I felt safe to cried at home. I cried every-time that I am thinking about my mother. I could not find the word to describing the grief process from one person to others. My husband sister passed away on 14 November 2024. I never meet her, but I felt sad and worried about my husband who could not meet and joined his sister funeral. for my experiences, I feel empty and confused with suddenly death events. I felt very tired, intense, sore some part of my body, and lost motivation from October until Early December. I avoided to join party and any happy events. I did isolated myself from my daily round and creative activities. I took time to relaxing, allowed myself to do nothing, and recognised the feelings.
I felt little better since 15/12/24. I started accepting the facts and forgive myself. I talked with my father, siblings, and friends. I returned to doing my garden. I felt release and relaxing after my yoga and acupuncture sessions. I sometimes cried because I miss my mother and worried about my father's health as well. I remember about her beautiful smile, beautiful heart, kind, hard working, strong wills, responsible, and selfless person. I felt blessed to be her daughter. " thank you for being my mother." It was hard without you, but I know you always in my heart and memories. May her rest in peace! I love you.
What can I learn from the loss of my mother?
First, I learn that healing is from within. I believed that I could deal with my emotions. Until I willing to tried the body psychotherapy for the first time. I learned and understand " how to healing my body, mind, and spirit? and how to released the energy blocked and break the old pattern in my life?". I believe that healing was within my body, mind, and spirit. I need to understand the root cause and be honest with my feelings and body needs.
Second, I learn that my emotions and mind could created illness without me realise it. I used to compress my feelings, put others' needs above my own needs, and avoid the complex with others. Now I embrace my own powers, needs, and learn to express my voices.
Finally, I learned to enjoyed my time, listening to my body and feelings, forgive myself for making the wrong choices and bad decisions, let's my flow with universe, and let others to be free for who they are.
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